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My Rant, My Mantra, My Mission

I guess I should update this thing. I've had little interest in dolling out my innermost being onto your computer screen lately. I only started this blog as part of the game. You know, as a filmmaker, thinking maybe if I could get you interested in me as a person or how I go about my "craft" that maybe you'd be more interested in my films. Honestly, I have zero passion for writing this journal. It's a complete chore and bore. I'd much prefer to show people than tell them on this damn thing. I should probably start a vlog but not the kind you're thinking of.

While out among the prairies of the beautiful Great Southern Plains I had lots of me time. Lots of thinking. No sirens, no phones, no internet, no traffic, no friends, no business, no scripts. Just me and my movie camera. Jarid peddled away the miles in 100 degree heat. A literal uphill battle as he moved from about 600 feet above sea level in Fort Worth to about 5000 feet above sea level in Denver. Sometimes facing 60-70 degree hills, plains storms of the ilk I've never witnessed in the city, and truckers who refused to share the road with a bike. All of this with no hesitation, no doubt of the end he sought, constantly in motion. I watched the pronghorn, buffalo, prairie dogs, jack rabbits, ferruginous hawks, burrowing owls, king snakes, and multitudes of insects go about their lives. Constantly caught up in the movement of nature. I sunk deep into my core. I thought about painters, musicians, graffiti writers, poets, writers and sculptors. Exactly what am I doing? Not on this doc but in general, in film, what's my goal?

I came to some conclusions. I'm here to make films. I'm not a writer or a businessman or a partier or a diplomat. I'm sick of writing scripts in hopes that some producer somewhere will see a spark in it or a name actor will see a way to make themselves look good or some development exec will be charmed by my witty other side of the tracks repertoire at a party. I'm a FILMMAKER. Break it down. Film - Maker. I want to make films. I'm not here to play a game. I'm not here to wait around for five years hoping someone else will make my film happen. I want to be creative constantly. If you're not willing to put your own money, blood sweat and tears into a project how can you expect someone else to?

I can't go an hour without some grand idea swelling up inside of me. But I suppress it. Always suppress. Must work on this script, must write so I can impress potential players of the game. I'm not really a writer. I can write, and I should write and I will. But for now, at this point in time directing is where I want to be. I know that most of my ideas can be made into an outline that when executed with the actors on camera will be much better than they ever can on paper. Or at least be better written into script form by a much more disciplined writer. It's just my instinct and I can't explain it. That is what excites me as an artist, to make not write. That is a driving desire for me. To get out there into the unknown and make something happen for better or worst.

I made DEADROOM a year-and-a-half ago and what has it got me. We've played the game. We talked to producers, sales reps, execs, etc, etc. For what? A string of excuses and the ever essential wisdom that our film "just isn't marketable." So a well made, experimental, maturely directed, intriguing thought provoking film with great no-name actors from no-name directors just isn't marketable. Nowhere in the millions of people in the world is there a market for that? Great. Point taken. I guess I'll never make a damn red cent in this life because that is the only type of film a ever plan on making. When I see my friends with brilliant scripts being passed by over and over I know there is something wrong. I no longer have any respect or trust or faith in the so called "independent film" world. Indiewood is a very correct nomenclature. It's now monopoly and monopoly jr. The indie industry has been corrupted beyond repair. We have to find a way to move beyond being "indie."

So what does this all mean? Where does it take us? I just know that I'm sick of waiting. With limited money and limited resources what can an artist do. Be creative and put the balls to wall and do something. I can't think of a single excuse to go years without actually making a film. Some would say that playing that game is part of making film. Speak for yourself. I have wonderful talented friends, we have cameras, we have sound equipment, we have editing equipment and we have wonderful ideas. I plan to drag them all along with me in my grand scheme to be prolific. If they choose to wait for someone else to get their films made. Great. They can play that game and I will help them all that I can. But in the mean time will you (my creative friends) please help me get my no frills, no chance for distribution or making money projects off the ground? Please? Inevitably we will probably end up in the game but at least we can arrive as doers not beggars. We will land in the industry on our own terms as so many great filmmakers have before us.