Hangin' In There (Maybe)

Yen's got a great new post up on his blog. He brings up some great points. I've often been tempted to quit myself. As hard-headed and arrogant as I seem to be I'm not immune to the constant rejection and uphill battle of making film. The thought has crossed my mind: How easy it would be to just work at Spiral with Amy. It's fun and rewarding. We're the owners so we don't have to answer to anyone else. It's successful, full of instant gratitude. Actually, more than that I've thought that maybe I should just be a producer. Maybe I'm just not good enough to be a writer/director. I mean my friends are immensely talented and they need someone who can hit the streets and makes some calls. They need to be concentrating on their craft not worrying about producing. Maybe I should just hang it up and do that.

I can turn on myself so easily. And working with hugely talented people like Yen, David and Nick it becomes even easier to put yourself down. These guys are wonderful writers, when I read their stuff I don't even know why I try. And reviews like Clayfield's don't help things any. Although there are a few things in there I have some problems with. For one, his statement "The film looks really good as well, though I think I put this down more to the production design than the DV cinematography" is pretty off base. In a film as intimate as this the production design and cinematography are symbiotic. The production design looks good because of the cinematography and vice-versa. I know for a fact that Jim meticulously designed the lighting based on the color and style Kara designed for each set. As far as the awkward framing, well I'm not sure where thats at but only the directors are to blame for that. I think Jim did a brilliant job with the direction he was given and the time and tools at his disposal. And while I think the thrashing of my segment is a little over the top and the bit about the monologues is way off point, I do agree with him on most points about my segment. It just always sucks to read it in print and it really sucks that of all the reviews we've gotten this has to be the one that's linked to from GreenCine. Therein lies part of the reason I will never review or critique indie films on my blog. I think constructive criticism amongst filmmakers is better left via email. One might ask if I would feel the same way if he had given us a glowing positive review. Well, for the most part he did. The film as a whole comes off looking great. But having read his opinion who's gonna want to give my segment a chance? Negativity tends to permeate the minds of people a lot deeper than positivity. Anyway, that's my theory.

So back to my original point. Of all the things I want to do, I beat myself up the most about writing. But guess what? I wake up every morning and open up my Screenwriting program and try. 'Cos no matter how horrible I try to tell myself I am I just can't stop. I absolutely can't. The same thing goes for directing. I will be hustling to get my next project off the ground until the day I die. I have to. There are three certain things in my life: 1) I love my wife, 2) I love my friends, 3) I love filmmaking. Those are constants. The greatest thing about it all is that my wife loves film as much as I do and fully supports me morally and financially in my endeavors and three of my best friends in the world are filmmakers and no matter what I can always ride on their coattails (that is until they stop returning my phone calls and start avoiding me at parties.)

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