god's silence

Have you ever seen Winter Light? It's really goddamn good. Maybe it's the times but the philosophical nature and questioning the validity of faith in such a cruel world really hit home. Granted, I'm pretty fucking far from being a man of faith. I have trouble believing in a human standing directly in front of me much less some invisible, omnipresent being that no one will ever see, except through their own self-inflicted delusions of faith. Even with my lack of faith in religion this film still holds a lot of truths because faith is faith no matter where you place it. Right now I find myself in a crisis of faith with humanity. I've always lived under the belief that humans are basically good. They mean well and the world will continue to get better, etc. Lately, I haven't been feeling so optimistic about all that. And no, this isn't just a reaction to Bush getting reelected. That definitely provides one more case study for the ineptitude of humans, but isn't an all in all deciding factor on humanity.

I always fancied the idea of using my artistic endeavors to gain leverage in a progressive way. Do something to make a difference and make the world better. Lately, I've been wondering why I should bother. Maybe I should just make the films I want to make, have fun and enjoy my life while I can. Make sure the ones I love are safe and happy with me and forget about helping everyone else. They should be able to help their damn selves.

It's tempting but for some reason I just can't stop caring and that's why it pains me to see the negative aspects of humanity so far outweigh the positive ones. It seems that it's always been the same way. I have a wonderful life and I'm very happy with my own existence but there are so many people in horrible situations purely because of the evil of other humans and partly because of their own stupidity. Obviously there are more questions than answers and this is probably something that will plague me for my whole life. I want to do something but damn...there is so much injustice and I have to live with the fact that there are more people out there who would be willing to do me harm for their own gain than would be willing to help me out for no reward.